I don't know how many of my scattered readers follow any specific religious doctrines or have any type or spiritual beliefs, but a thought ran through my mind as I was reading the blog of a friend. This friend has just gone through a spiritual transformation but still clings to a lot of old beliefs any practices. Reading his weblog reminded me of one of the catch phrases that was used in my church and with my friends when I was a regular church-goer.
Growing up in a Southern Baptist minister's family, I was exposed to nearly every doctrinal practice, phrase, set of beliefs in that denomination. One phrase that I heard countless times was the saying that "Christ filled a void in my soul that nothing else could". This phrase bothered me when I was younger, but I couldn't quite put my finger on the reason why. Now that I'm older and more spiritually mature, the reason is clearer. I'd "accepted Christ" at a very early age, even for a miister's child- three and a half. My mother used to say I was like John the Baptist kicking in the womb. For those of you who don't know the story, she just meant that I was spiritually aware, or in touch with God, practically from the time I was concieved. I could barely remember a time when I wasn't a "born again" christian and had no idea what people were talking about when they mentioned a "void" that God filled. I'd never had a chance to experience the said void, and wouldn't according to the church and my family because I'd already been "saved". I was already questioning and challenging some of the concepts of Christianity and this just added to my suspiscions.
It wasn't until after after my parents were divorced and my dad was with someone else that I began to understand what that void was. I'd been living with it for some time. It had nothing to do with a hole that only God could fill, but everything to do with the fact that I wasn't happy with myself. It's something I've seen in so many people and most don't even realize it's there. For me the "void" didn't fill until I was able to accept myself for who I was and love myself anyway.
What many people don't understand about voids is that they're a lot like wounds. You try to stuff them with something to make it feel like they're not there: drugs, alchohal, food, work, TV, anythinig to get your mind off of it. But all you end up getting is and infection. Filling a void with religion isn't much better because even then you aren't forgiving yourself. Instead of accepting yourself for who and what you are, you cry about how horrible you are, unworthy of God's grace, using self-loathing as a filler. Even worse, there are hundreds of people around you saying how awful they are- maybe you don't have to feel so horrible about being such a bad person. You put a patch on the hole claiming that Christ's blood will make up for the your lack of self-acceptance. But when you lay in bed at night, that heart ache is still there, despite that show you put on.
Love yourself for who you are. God didn't put millions of people on this earth to be sent to the firey depths for being just as he created them. God doesn't throw one of his children in the oven because they have a different relationship with him than their brother or sister. Find your bliss, the thing that fills the void and seals it shut. Find what you believe in your heart of hearts, but also know that what you find may not be what everyone else finds. You are wonderful, you are beautiful, you are human. Let yourself be loved so you can love others. Be all that you can be and more, then see God's smiling face shining down saying, "You've done it, my child. "
I love this song!
Paris
Camille- Le Sac des Filles
Fini les balades
Le long du canal
Les escaliers des cartes postales
C'est fini Paris
C'est décidé je me barre
Fini le ciel gris
Les matins moroses
On dit qu'à Toulouse les briques sont roses
Oh là bas, Paris, les briques sont roses
Paris tu paries Paris que je te quitte
Que je change
De cap de capitale
Paris tu paries Paris que je te quitte
Que je te plaque
Sur tes trottoirs sales
Je connais trop ta bouche
Bouche de métro
Les bateaux mouche et la couleur de l'eau
C'est fini, Paris
Je les connais trop
Ici je m'ennuie
Même quand vient la nuit
On dit que Séville s'éveille à minuit
Là-bas, Paris la ville s'éveille à minuit
Paris tu paries Paris que je te quitte
Que je change
De cap de capitale
Paris tu paries Paris que je te quitte
Que je te plaque
Sur tes trottoirs sales
A Toulouse il a plu
A Séville j'ai trop bu
A Rio j'ai eu le mal du pays
Oh ! Paris perdu
Je retourne vivre à Paris.
OMG, I'm so exicted right now. Around 2:00 this afternoon the doorbell rang as I was changing. I peeked out the window and saw the UPS truck outside. I wasn't fully dressed so I hoped the UPS guy would just leave the package so I could get it in a minute, but he kept knocking on the door. So I threw a t-shirt on haphazardly and made my way to the door. "Sorry about that," I said as I opened the door, "I was changing." "Oh that's fine," replied the delivery man, "I'm just glad someone was home. I've got a Dell here. Can't leave that on the porch." At first I wasn't sure what was up. Maybe Joel ordered a printer or something..., I thought. When I asked the guy who it was for and he said my name, I was stunned. I signed the pad and brought the package inside. Then I saw who it was from- my dad. Oh my god, I thought, My Dad got my a Dell notebook! We'd been talking about him ordering one for me and I would send him the money for the payments, but I had no clue he was going to do it when he did.
So for a few hours before I had to go to work and since I got off, I've been working on my new toy! (Not really a toy but it sure feels like Christmas!) It's a great machine. It's a Dell Inspiron B130 with a 60g hardrive and 1g of RAM. Very fast and very nice. I'm so happy!! Thank-you, Dad!!!
In the summer months there's one thing that nearly everyone has on there mind at one time or another: the temperature. Living in Oklahoma, it's not uncommon for one to experience temperatuures in the high 90's and low 100's of fahrenheit degrees. But what led me to write today's entry wasn't the weather. I was actually verifying the correct spelling of the word fahrenheit for use on my profile section when I stumbled on some interesting information on the origins of the scale and it's founder, Gabriel Fahrenheit. I know this is kind of nerdy for a blog entry, but I found it very interesting. If you don't much care for silly trivia, scientific facts, or expanding and enhancing that grey mass inside of the large spherical object resting on your shoulders, wait for a later entry.
So here are the facts:
~Fahrenheit established the zero (0 °F) and 100 °F points on his scale by recording the lowest outdoor temperatures he could measure, and his own body temperature.
~Fahrenheit fixed his own body temperature as 100 °F (normal body temperature is closer to 98.6 °F, suggesting that Fahrenheit was suffering a fever when he conducted his experiments or that his thermometer was inaccurate), and divided his original scale into twelve divisions; later dividing each of these into 8 equal subdivisions produced a scale of 96 degrees.
~Some say that Fahrenheit himself was a Freemason. In Freemasonry, there are 32 degrees of enlightenment, 32 being the highest. The use of the 'degree' as well is said to have been derived from the degrees of masonry.
~Another theory states that Fahrenheit based 0 degrees on an estimate of the temperature someone would freeze to death, and 100 degrees on the temperature someone would die of heat exhaustion from, therefore making 0 to 100 the livable range for human beings.
Okay, I'm done with my nerdy escapade.
Lauren
Well, not really boom, but I just got done shooting off some fireworks fountains and sparklers... hee hee. Only downside is I burnt my little finger! 
Oh well... price for being a pyro.
Yesterday a my mom and I were roaming around Blockbuster looking for a couple things to rent for the weekend. She'd wanted to see The Libertine but it doesn't come out until the 4th. As we were wandering around the drama section in the S's, I made the offhand comment that I'd never seen Schindler's List. My mom turned around and looked at me like I was a ghost. "You've never seen Schindler's List?!" her eyes all big, her face looked like I'd said I had the plague. "That's it," she said matter-of-factly, "We're renting it and you're watching it this weekend." So we walked out with I am Sam (a GREAT movie, we watched it last night), Schindler's List, and Brokeback Mountain (an odd combination, I know). We watched Schindler's List this afternoon after I got off work, and let me tell you, it was INCREDIBLE!!! Anyone who hasn't seen it, go out and rent it tonight, it's a must see. My mom claims that it should be on the required viewing list for all High School students and I whole-heartedly agree. So go out there and see it. It'll depress, torment, and disgust you, but in a way it's necessary that it does.
Schindler's List